I heard this song on my way home last night and it really hit me. I also want to say to my girls, that I don't mean to be harsh or push, but you both are so beautiful and mean so much more than what other people's perception makes it you to be. You may not understand now, but you will. And to my guy, you became one my best friends last night. And I was speaking truth over you as well. I CAN'T wait to meet her. Oh and the other one, we will have to cater to them forever...artists!
"Ready"
Frozen
Forgetful again
The part where I lose my head
The scene where I'm supposed to speak but instead
I sit and listen again
I'm stuck with these card, I guess
Leaping from this cliff in my thoughts
I fly lie stones in my heart
Drowning in doubt for what reason
I sit so patiently
Drenched in what you want me to be
I can't escape
[Chorus]
I'm ready now
Oh I'm ready now
Oh I'm ready now
Come get me
Fearless
With cape in hand
Conquer what I need to mend
Little girls get so broken
But I sit so patiently
Drenched in what you want me to be
I can't seem to escape
[Chorus]
Through with golden roads and perfect love
Too much of your mouth is lie too much sun
How I burn, how I burn
I was so patient waitin' for my turn
I fly like stones
As I break every bone
Come get me
[Chorus]
15 August 2009
On Truth
God is amazing, plain and simple. I am severely blessed to have people in my life who I call friends, not to mention a God-fearing husband. One such friend told me, after I ranted about frustrations about God; that one, it was ok to be mad at God, and two, I needed to ask God who I was.
I didn't want to do that. I have spent the past two years of my life trying to become less self-involved. Well, I ended up relenting and just asked. I figure there could not be any harm in it.
The first thing I learned is that from the womb God has had His hand on me. My ear is a miracle unto itself, but I have already talked about that.
That was about two weeks ago, so I continued to wait.
Have you ever heard something clear as day from God? It is pretty amazing how it stops you completely. Nathan and I were driving to friends' apartment when God said to me, "Are you done." And it was a statement. I guess I got a look, because Nathan had to ask me what was wrong. I told him and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since.
Yesterday was our annual movie night and I honestly was not going to go. But since I have some friends who are about to leave, and usually enjoy myself immensely, I decided to go.
We ended up something completely different which led to amazing conversation. I have to say now, that I cherish and love the people who were involved. We did what we called "share time" and it was God-given and wonderful! At one point everyone started to talk about things that were confusing to them. I won't go into the personal things but I have names for my friends now: the peacekeeper, the lovers [:)] and the selfless one. I was confused that I didn't have a gift. All my friends had these amazing talents from God and I was stuck.
God told me to have my other friend drive me to my car. God told me to ask him to tell me something about myself.
My friend said I have the ability to discern truth and speak it to people.
This statement rocked my world. You see, I see through people's masks, it is I who knows your pain. If you ever wonder why I am quite that is why. I am thinking of who you truly are. This is a blessing beyond belief. So many things make sense that once confused me in my life. I now see why the devil and sin were so hell-bent on destroying my discernment about myself. Not anymore. Last night I took a stand.
This has been a jumbled mess, but this is what God is doing in my life and it must be proclaimed. We can't do it alone, and I feel so BLESSED to have people in my life I can call my brothers and sisters.
I didn't want to do that. I have spent the past two years of my life trying to become less self-involved. Well, I ended up relenting and just asked. I figure there could not be any harm in it.
The first thing I learned is that from the womb God has had His hand on me. My ear is a miracle unto itself, but I have already talked about that.
That was about two weeks ago, so I continued to wait.
Have you ever heard something clear as day from God? It is pretty amazing how it stops you completely. Nathan and I were driving to friends' apartment when God said to me, "Are you done." And it was a statement. I guess I got a look, because Nathan had to ask me what was wrong. I told him and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since.
Yesterday was our annual movie night and I honestly was not going to go. But since I have some friends who are about to leave, and usually enjoy myself immensely, I decided to go.
We ended up something completely different which led to amazing conversation. I have to say now, that I cherish and love the people who were involved. We did what we called "share time" and it was God-given and wonderful! At one point everyone started to talk about things that were confusing to them. I won't go into the personal things but I have names for my friends now: the peacekeeper, the lovers [:)] and the selfless one. I was confused that I didn't have a gift. All my friends had these amazing talents from God and I was stuck.
God told me to have my other friend drive me to my car. God told me to ask him to tell me something about myself.
My friend said I have the ability to discern truth and speak it to people.
This statement rocked my world. You see, I see through people's masks, it is I who knows your pain. If you ever wonder why I am quite that is why. I am thinking of who you truly are. This is a blessing beyond belief. So many things make sense that once confused me in my life. I now see why the devil and sin were so hell-bent on destroying my discernment about myself. Not anymore. Last night I took a stand.
This has been a jumbled mess, but this is what God is doing in my life and it must be proclaimed. We can't do it alone, and I feel so BLESSED to have people in my life I can call my brothers and sisters.
05 August 2009
Life
Soooo...it's been forever since I have written. First, marriage is an amazing thing to watch. I have been married two months now and I am still not used to it. There are some days when Nathan and I just look at each other and have to exclaim, "We're married!". It is a pretty crazy experience knowing you can never be apart from someone again. Having a husband has also brought many joys to my life.
I had an ear doctor appointment today and I was 5 months overdue, and for those who know me that is really annoying. Of course, I had a ton of earwax and Nathan had to hold my hand while the tears ran down my cheeks...boo!! Then my doctor proceeded to call Nathan, underhandedly, a pansy. It was funny and for the very best reasons. But the unfortunate thing is that I have to go back in 2 weeks and get more cleaning done. Meanwhile, I have to use two different ear medicines. The best part is Nathan was hurt that he could not come to the second appointment, so we changed it. My hero!
Another great thing about marriage is watching my brother and sister-in-law go through struggles. My sister is having a baby in September. They also just bought a new house and car within in the first year of marriage and financially they had that all figured out, but then the storm hit. Their Collierville house was flooded and insurance said they would pay for it than went against thier word and told them two days later they would not. But my brother and sister are still happy and are hopeful that they will figure everything out.
So that's what I have seen so far.
Oh, we have a dog...and she is NUTS!
I had an ear doctor appointment today and I was 5 months overdue, and for those who know me that is really annoying. Of course, I had a ton of earwax and Nathan had to hold my hand while the tears ran down my cheeks...boo!! Then my doctor proceeded to call Nathan, underhandedly, a pansy. It was funny and for the very best reasons. But the unfortunate thing is that I have to go back in 2 weeks and get more cleaning done. Meanwhile, I have to use two different ear medicines. The best part is Nathan was hurt that he could not come to the second appointment, so we changed it. My hero!
Another great thing about marriage is watching my brother and sister-in-law go through struggles. My sister is having a baby in September. They also just bought a new house and car within in the first year of marriage and financially they had that all figured out, but then the storm hit. Their Collierville house was flooded and insurance said they would pay for it than went against thier word and told them two days later they would not. But my brother and sister are still happy and are hopeful that they will figure everything out.
So that's what I have seen so far.
Oh, we have a dog...and she is NUTS!
21 February 2009
On Nathan, Jon, Twilight and Sailor Moon
So as Kelly was trying to get underneath the covers she stepped on my keyboard and made my blog page really small. And I am talking about the actual page, not the window. It is a little frustrating.
Anyway, Nathan and I are having a hard time trying to find a song that describes us and I figured I would just write one. And OF COURSE I had a ton of thoughts last night, and have now none. It possibly could be because I am listening to music (specifically Paramore).
So I really don't know why I decided to write this. I guess I can start thinking of my day. Well I had lunch with Ms. Lisa and then talked to Jon for a while, both were very pleasant. It was nice to actually see Ms. Lisa get frustrated about something for once (i.e. Crichton politics) and watching Jon imitate his new teacher and his frustrating rants about the same teacher was, well for lack of a better word, hilarious! I also have been pondering Twilight. Some things about it are still not making me happy. I know, I know!! Every girl wants the Bella/Edward relationship. And I was tempted the first time around but now I find it stupid. I know Meyer's point was to show the resistance of temptation and all the other mormon based stuff she wanted to preach about, but it still seems so unrealistic on a level. Obviously it is fiction but, come on. Jon said something about it today: He said it would have been a whole lot more interesting to see Edward give up his vampirism (is that even the right word) for Bella. To take the path of redemption to reach her. (You know like Angel in Angel, but maybe I am revealing my age with that statement) I told him to pitch the idea to Katie. And I hope you read this, Katie!
I am also reading Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. He is one of my favorite authors! His is one of the few theologies that I can almost agree with, I actually haven't found much of anything (that I can remember) that I didn't see truth in. But I am always open to human failure. Anyway, if you have ever read Eldredge you know that he talks about Spiritual warefare, God's passion for us and becoming what God made us to be. You will find these three points in everything he writes (and I have actually read about three of his books, so I have some of an idea what I am talking about). So I was in my room the other morning getting ready thinking about being a kid. Eldredge always does that to me. When I realized I had a dream of becoming something. Whenever this topic came up in his books I thought about how I wanted to be a Vet and detective, possibly both at the same time. I wanted to be a whale trainer, I wanted to live overseas. But I had forgotten about something. The thing I did more that anything else was make-believe. I would make a world where I was Sailor Moon's friend, or Goku's helper. I was also Luke Skywalker's apprentice. There were so much more. I had Lord of the Rings one's. I also would take combinations of stories and piece them together. For a while I made believe I was this girl that every fantasy character came to for help when a crisis hit.
I know with saying all that I have made a complete nerd of myself. But I kicked butt!! More than anything I wanted to help people, I wanted to be a hero and I wanted to be noticed. As I got older I didn't need to be noticed as much, my deeds could be done in secret. But I realized I am not crazy for doing all this. This was who God created me to be, I was just being her in the wrong arena. Some of the characters I identified with the most were one's sent to save the world. Some where not even from Earth, but they were sent to protect it.
And that's who I am. I was sent here to protect people. No, I am not crazy. I am obviously of earth, but in a sense I am not of this world. God made me a protector and I pray to see what that could look like.
I am going to abrubtly end this now.
Anyway, Nathan and I are having a hard time trying to find a song that describes us and I figured I would just write one. And OF COURSE I had a ton of thoughts last night, and have now none. It possibly could be because I am listening to music (specifically Paramore).
So I really don't know why I decided to write this. I guess I can start thinking of my day. Well I had lunch with Ms. Lisa and then talked to Jon for a while, both were very pleasant. It was nice to actually see Ms. Lisa get frustrated about something for once (i.e. Crichton politics) and watching Jon imitate his new teacher and his frustrating rants about the same teacher was, well for lack of a better word, hilarious! I also have been pondering Twilight. Some things about it are still not making me happy. I know, I know!! Every girl wants the Bella/Edward relationship. And I was tempted the first time around but now I find it stupid. I know Meyer's point was to show the resistance of temptation and all the other mormon based stuff she wanted to preach about, but it still seems so unrealistic on a level. Obviously it is fiction but, come on. Jon said something about it today: He said it would have been a whole lot more interesting to see Edward give up his vampirism (is that even the right word) for Bella. To take the path of redemption to reach her. (You know like Angel in Angel, but maybe I am revealing my age with that statement) I told him to pitch the idea to Katie. And I hope you read this, Katie!
I am also reading Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. He is one of my favorite authors! His is one of the few theologies that I can almost agree with, I actually haven't found much of anything (that I can remember) that I didn't see truth in. But I am always open to human failure. Anyway, if you have ever read Eldredge you know that he talks about Spiritual warefare, God's passion for us and becoming what God made us to be. You will find these three points in everything he writes (and I have actually read about three of his books, so I have some of an idea what I am talking about). So I was in my room the other morning getting ready thinking about being a kid. Eldredge always does that to me. When I realized I had a dream of becoming something. Whenever this topic came up in his books I thought about how I wanted to be a Vet and detective, possibly both at the same time. I wanted to be a whale trainer, I wanted to live overseas. But I had forgotten about something. The thing I did more that anything else was make-believe. I would make a world where I was Sailor Moon's friend, or Goku's helper. I was also Luke Skywalker's apprentice. There were so much more. I had Lord of the Rings one's. I also would take combinations of stories and piece them together. For a while I made believe I was this girl that every fantasy character came to for help when a crisis hit.
I know with saying all that I have made a complete nerd of myself. But I kicked butt!! More than anything I wanted to help people, I wanted to be a hero and I wanted to be noticed. As I got older I didn't need to be noticed as much, my deeds could be done in secret. But I realized I am not crazy for doing all this. This was who God created me to be, I was just being her in the wrong arena. Some of the characters I identified with the most were one's sent to save the world. Some where not even from Earth, but they were sent to protect it.
And that's who I am. I was sent here to protect people. No, I am not crazy. I am obviously of earth, but in a sense I am not of this world. God made me a protector and I pray to see what that could look like.
I am going to abrubtly end this now.
12 December 2008
A day
My kids performed today at a PTO meeting. Well, they actually did the 5 positions in ballet. We have just begun to learn our new dance and I hope they can absorb it in time for our show in February.
These are such trivial things.
My real reason in writing this was to let everyone know my best friend in the whole wide world passed her pharmacy exam and I am so immensely proud of her!!!!!!!
I think I am kind of lame.
These are such trivial things.
My real reason in writing this was to let everyone know my best friend in the whole wide world passed her pharmacy exam and I am so immensely proud of her!!!!!!!
I think I am kind of lame.
19 October 2008
For Suffering
I want to find your spirit that has been inside all along.
You poured your love into my heart when I suffered.
At the worst, you were there.
The suffering is cultivating an endurance to keep seeking after you.
The endurance is producing a character that is forming into your image.
The character is requiring a hope in everything that is life.
And my life is you.
In the suffering I died.
It was a death for Christ's sake.
For he lives in me so his life can be known.
"So death is at work in [me], but life in you."
So I will rejoice in suffering because it is the Holy Spirit working in me.
And I will shout for joy in death.
*I humbly come before God and thank Him for all He has done.
You poured your love into my heart when I suffered.
At the worst, you were there.
The suffering is cultivating an endurance to keep seeking after you.
The endurance is producing a character that is forming into your image.
The character is requiring a hope in everything that is life.
And my life is you.
In the suffering I died.
It was a death for Christ's sake.
For he lives in me so his life can be known.
"So death is at work in [me], but life in you."
So I will rejoice in suffering because it is the Holy Spirit working in me.
And I will shout for joy in death.
*I humbly come before God and thank Him for all He has done.
11 October 2008
Found my second, or is that third, passion
I am teaching my kids again!!!!
They have grown from fifteen to forty!!! And that is just my younger class!!!
YAY!!!!
They have grown from fifteen to forty!!! And that is just my younger class!!!
YAY!!!!
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